Horoscopes vs HORRORscopes

Note to the reader: It's my "off day" apparently so be kind on me please; Taurean operating at less than her best.

It's bred into us from an early age as a result of our Mother aggressively licking her thumb and flicking furiously through the pages of a glossy magazine with demonic fervour until landing on that mystical oracle; the horoscope.

I've never delved into how these snippets of my future are concocted and despite thinking of myself as a mature (occasionally), clever (2:1 in Journalism don't you know) girl I STILL have to have a delicious little peek at what's in store for Taurus!

I do it slyly in the queue for coffee at work in the mornings terrified that someone will notice my experienced style of working backwards from "sport" to make sure I don't miss it. Why do I always feel guilty that I WANT to look even if I'm just going to laugh it off anyway (unless it's a good one promising money and great sex). I still have to know in case I miss a trick.

My heart pounds as I try to think who the "backstabber" in my midst might be and if I've already supported my family member through their tough time. I'm not sure if it's the fear of what's to come but those few carefully chosen words stay with me for the rest of the day as I go about my business, anxious that it's already coming true.

Take this little gem above for February; well yes I have neglected my body recently (constantly) and the word "vice" instantly makes me want a large gin and a cigarette but I still look at it and think it relates to nearly everyday of my life since 2001 hence why everyone knows they're just made up.

SO WHY DID I HURRY HOME ON 18TH FEBRUARY JUST TO MAKE SURE I'M WEARING MY "HIDDEN AT THE BACK OF THE SPECIAL DRAWER" PANTS ???

For those, like me, who secretly crave this sneak a peek into the future.. on this occasion the cosmic description of 18th February was pretty spot on.