First time buyer-itus - The tale of two grownups still living with their parents

Apparently loads of us are doing it and it's "Ok". They say it's nothing to be ashamed of and if anything we should be praised for our clever forward planning. We shouldn't feel like we HAVE to be like everyone else and if anything it's US that are setting the trend for future generations.

If that's true then why am I sitting here watching another awful episode of "Outnumbered", my mother and her "new friend" are passing round the tinned shortbread and I'm feeling like I'm 15 again and grounded for smoking and drinking the "good port"?!

I am currently stuck at my Mum's house looking like this:

When I could be in my OWN house doing THIS....

There are some very basic issues with buying your first home. Unless you're very lucky you'll probably need to save some serious money. If you're buying with another your saving is always harder (there's always a better saver; in case you're wondering, that's me! Woo!) That means for most people (us and everyone we know) you have to move back home which is in as few words as possible... AWFUL!

Once you've tasted the freedom of moving out it's a bitter pill to swallow having to move back with your parents. You instantly revert back to a sullen teenager where every answer you give is ambiguous and you surround yourself in mystery just to feel like you're winning the bigger battle.

Saving money when you just start to earn a serious amount is rubbish too. You're dressing like a student even though you're earning a grown up woman's salary.

Last but not least and because it's such a crucial one it needs to be in bold... Your sex life will be RUINED. Think back to when you were a teen; both silently dry humping your way to chaffed euphoria whilst listening for any movement downstairs (unintended pun). Yes, that.

I may start a help group for those who are still living at home waiting for the next stamp duty freeze and we'll meet occasionally for a moan and a beer. Only it won't be at the pub because we can't afford it...

Horoscopes vs HORRORscopes

Note to the reader: It's my "off day" apparently so be kind on me please; Taurean operating at less than her best.

It's bred into us from an early age as a result of our Mother aggressively licking her thumb and flicking furiously through the pages of a glossy magazine with demonic fervour until landing on that mystical oracle; the horoscope.

I've never delved into how these snippets of my future are concocted and despite thinking of myself as a mature (occasionally), clever (2:1 in Journalism don't you know) girl I STILL have to have a delicious little peek at what's in store for Taurus!

I do it slyly in the queue for coffee at work in the mornings terrified that someone will notice my experienced style of working backwards from "sport" to make sure I don't miss it. Why do I always feel guilty that I WANT to look even if I'm just going to laugh it off anyway (unless it's a good one promising money and great sex). I still have to know in case I miss a trick.

My heart pounds as I try to think who the "backstabber" in my midst might be and if I've already supported my family member through their tough time. I'm not sure if it's the fear of what's to come but those few carefully chosen words stay with me for the rest of the day as I go about my business, anxious that it's already coming true.

Take this little gem above for February; well yes I have neglected my body recently (constantly) and the word "vice" instantly makes me want a large gin and a cigarette but I still look at it and think it relates to nearly everyday of my life since 2001 hence why everyone knows they're just made up.

SO WHY DID I HURRY HOME ON 18TH FEBRUARY JUST TO MAKE SURE I'M WEARING MY "HIDDEN AT THE BACK OF THE SPECIAL DRAWER" PANTS ???

For those, like me, who secretly crave this sneak a peek into the future.. on this occasion the cosmic description of 18th February was pretty spot on.